The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
