how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
