the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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