I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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