"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
