new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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