Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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