I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
