I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
