This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
