508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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