The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have already put on my inside pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
