Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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