he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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