Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize