I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
