My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
