I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
