In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
