btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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