Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
