Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
