I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Two words: nipple clamps
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