Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is Oprah even human
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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