There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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