i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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