Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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