Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
