Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
