Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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