Can i not drive my cunt home
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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