tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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