Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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