My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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