Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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