I feel great
I just peed on a car
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
