He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
