I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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