i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
