you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
