I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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