So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize