im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
