Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
