Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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