After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
