Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
