I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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