So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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