btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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