Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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