I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
