in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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