do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
