When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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