so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i drank out of a bidet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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