u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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