I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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