He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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