You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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