Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
