from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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