he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
