Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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