If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
