I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm getting married
To pizza
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
