Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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