So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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