I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dick very happy bro
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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