Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
