He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
